Agnes: The Social Cripple

how it feels to be something on

2008-09-01T00:19:00.002-04:00

Jeremy Enigk (Sunny Day Real Estate)

http://music.aol.com/song/player/audioplayer.jsp

beeeautiful.

smelly markers

2008-08-23T00:44:00.007-04:00

I was using a pink highlighter at work today... and for a split second... I expected it to smell like watermelon.

It made me miss smelly markers.

shitty quality. amazing performance.

2008-08-22T18:49:00.003-04:00

I don't know what made me think of this song today...but it's just soooooooo good that I had to throw it in a post.
It reminds me of sitting in my friend Jeremy's basement, when I was like....14?
Smoking cigarettes ... drinking his parents booze...and wearing corduroy.

... I miss those days.

I could totally go for a corduroy wearin' make out right now.

"only sad people smoke"

2008-08-22T17:57:00.007-04:00

I heard a kid say this once .

...good observation.

you touch me... and I hear the sound of mandolines baby

2008-08-22T17:29:00.004-04:00

Cat Power - "Wild is the Wind"

I was listening to Cat Power "The Covers Record" today... and I almost forgot how beautiful this song is.

I thought I'd share.

me. you. and everyone we know.

2008-08-13T20:00:00.002-04:00

Are You The Favourite Person of Anybody?

2008-08-13T19:57:00.001-04:00

Miranda July News!!!

2008-08-13T19:25:00.004-04:00

Miranda recently released the audio CD for my favourite little book of short stories...No One Belongs Here More Than You!

Click HERE for a clip!

"I made this for truck drivers and the blind, but you might enjoy it too. I tried to read it in a way that would make it impossible for you to not get me". - Miranda July

2008-08-13T18:57:00.005-04:00

I just finished reading Macaulay Culkin's book "Junior"...and thought I'd throw in some of my favourite excerpts.

"to be the same as all the others is to be the wine I drink every night. You are the reason my blood doesn't clot".

"if you take a drink from the cup of life, then I will take two. If you spread your pixie dust across the party, then I will give it a happy thought in which to fly. And if you kiss me once and never again, I will accept half your lips and nothing more. maybe the top one."

...and lastly...a love poem.

I know you don't love me but...
Can I sit in your chair?
It looks so comfortable way over there.
I won't break it I swear.
I just need a place to sit down in this hot winter air.
So can I sit in your chair?

I know you don't love me but...
Can I read your book?
Can I take a look?
I've always wanted to learn how to cook.
I just needed a little hook.
Can I please take a look at your book?

I know you don't love me but...
Can I sleep in your bed?
Because you see, my bed is uh....dead.
I'll sleep at the foot, and you sleep at the head.
It's good for the blood, or so I have read.
So can I sleep with you in your bed?

I know you don't love me but...
Will you dance with me?
Don't worry, no one will see.
I now the electric 1-2-3.
So will you make me that lucky?
Will you give one little dance to me?

I know you don't love me but...
Will you hold my hand?
Just tell them I'm with the band.
It doesn't have to be grand.
Or can I just sit while you stand?
If you don't want to hold my hand.

I know you don't love me but...
Can we be together?
And I don't mean forever.
It's just that now is slowly becoming never.
And I don't want to be without.
When it's time to go to the place that is better.
So can we be together?

I know you don't love me but...
I love you.

kid-chic!

2008-08-13T18:52:00.004-04:00

I saw these the other day at Homesense and I fell in love.

They're kid-size!!!!

Love em!

downward blog.

2008-08-13T17:39:00.008-04:00

So yesterday was Team Building day at my work...and we spent the entire afternoon at the country club and spa! I was less than thrilled about this at first... because I pretty much hate country clubs...and I pretty much hate the type of people who GO to country clubs.

Regardless, I ended up having an "ok" time.

We played charades...(my team came in last)...and then we had a bbq on the patio which was nice.

But...just when I thought the day was over....I saw that we were apparently scheduled for a Yoga class.
I've never been to a yoga class...because to me...classes are for joiners...and I am not a joiner.

The class ran for an hour and 10 minutes....and I was sooooooooooooooo bored.
All I got out of that class was a sore neck...and a massive wedgie.

The thing is...I always thought of myself as a potential yogi.

Maybe it's just the whole 'class thing' that I didn't like?
I have this Yoga For Beginners DVD that's still in the wrapper from Christmas....so before giving up on Yoga completely... I might try it out.

I'll let you know how it goes.

But until then...

nice guy post.

2008-08-07T17:00:00.004-04:00

I went to get my hair cut today at this new place near my apartment ... and the hair stylist called me cute, and said the cut was on him!

How nice is that!?!

... completely made my day.

plant update.

2008-08-07T16:53:00.003-04:00

So according to my friend... the plant from my previous entry is called a philodendron... and YES.... it is poisonous!!!

Luckily the cats are still alive!

The plant is now outside...enjoying the balcony rays.

It's really too bad.
I enjoyed that plant.

the mother of all zuc's

2008-08-06T22:19:00.004-04:00

my co-worker's garden has an overabundance of zucchini's ... so she was nice enough to bring some in today....and share the love.

however, she left the zucchini on my desk (where it sat all day).... and I ended up being the butt of every dildo joke that ever was.

good zuc' though!
the thing's fucking HUGE!

you know what the say about a girl with a big zucchini!!!!

still...no cable

2008-08-06T22:12:00.006-04:00

I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance... and it's SO GOOD!!!!

I'm also nursing a fuzz-headache from hell.

(squints) ... Go Katee!!!

2008-08-06T20:34:00.004-04:00

You know what I hate?
When a wrong number calls you ... and you say "I'm sorry.... you have the wrong number"...
and they say... "Oh!.. well isn't this (xxx)-xxx-xxxx????"

Um...OBVIOUSLY it IS ... seeing as you just dialed it...but it doesn't mean it's the right person!!!!

It's like they think they're tricking you by RE-asking you the number or something.

It's sooooo annoying... and it's happened to me 3 times this week.

Bah!

2008-08-05T20:23:00.004-04:00

I've known about it for weeks.
It was just a lot shittier hearing the smile in his voice when I heard it from him.

no cable.

2008-08-05T19:07:00.004-04:00

Not having cable SUCKS!

It's not that I watch a LOT of TV... but when you're used to having something...and then you're broke, and can't afford it anymore... you really start to miss it!

I get channel 05...half of channel 09 (see photo), and 800 episodes a day of Coronation Street.

I also get channel 114...which is a french channel that usually only airs game shows.

Vous gagnez !

robert plant?

2008-08-05T19:03:00.004-04:00

Does anyone know what kind of plant this is ???

My cats keep eating it... so I'm hoping it's not poisonous.

I got it down the street.

6 dolla.

Rhinoceros Eyes

2008-08-05T18:09:00.004-04:00

I watched this movie the other night (soley for my homo-erotic fantasy of Gale Harold and Michael Pitt)... and it actually WASN'T half bad.

It is definitely one of the most fucked up films I've seen in a long time.
Definitely comparable to something like May ... or... probably.. any other Michael Pitt movie I've ever seen.

It had the feel of an 1930's film noir....with a mix of 80's gore ... and 90's love.

...interesting for sure.

In the shower...

2008-08-04T13:09:00.009-04:00

which body part do you wash FIRST?

I came across this 'study'...and it was kinda interesting.

CHEST: You are practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who chose hair.

FACE: Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you but you are not concerned as to what they think. Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who chose privates and others.

ARMPITS: You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally a very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Your best partner in life will be those who chose shoulders.

HAIR: Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please the other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partner in life will be those who chose chest and privates.

PRIVATES: Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and unattractive. Perseverance is not your strength and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best partner in life will be those who chose face and hair.

SHOULDER: A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a living hell. Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who chose armpits are your only chance.

OTHERS: You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and sell your potential. Deep down, you are a very likeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide your weaknesses. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different techniques but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partner in life will be those who chose face.

I wash my hair first.

i'm only happy when it rains...

2008-08-04T12:33:00.005-04:00

So my new apartment is on the top floor of the building...and my windows face east.
I get sun ALLLLLL fucking day...and it is so bloody hot and bright in here ALL the TIME.
I've been trying to sleep in for 3 weeks...and so far, the latest I've slept is 9am.

My sun-blocking attempts are as follows:

1. (The obvious): Drapes!

Problem: There is a "white-only" drape policy in my building...and white=bright...so the light still gets in.

2. (The not-so-obvious): Stapling shower curtain liners to the inside of the drapes.

Problem: The shower curtain liners I bought were transparent...

(shut up)

Then I thought of Sleep Masks!!!
This won't do anything for the heat, but I figure it'll at least fix the sun problem.

So...I googled "Sleep Masks"... to see where I can pick one of these up, and I realized that sleep masks are quite the trend!!!

Neato.

If the sleep masks don't work...I might steal my down-the-street-neighbour's idea, and tape garbage bags to my window.

If anyone has any other ideas....lemme know.

MAC

2008-08-03T00:15:00.009-04:00

Currently Reading: JunIor by Macaulay Culkin

Dude's fucked... but it works.

best sunday dress

2008-08-02T21:58:00.009-04:00

I bought the cutest dress today from Over The Rainbow.

Original Price: $110
Sale Price: $30

me = very happy.

I tried it on...and it made me feel like a princess.

Lame ... I know ... but I guess it's just one of those things.

2008-08-01T23:19:00.006-04:00

Call me spoiled, but until this week.... I've never had to wash my laundry in a 'public facility'.

However, my new building has a laundry room downstairs, so I thought "Great! I'll throw my laundry in... and then come back up to my apartment while it washes and drys itself.

WRONG!

APPARENTLY.... (according to my friends...and trusted mother)...there are people in this world who actually STEAL your laundry!

STEALLLLLLLLLLLL your laundry.

Most... having a slight preference for panties ... (or so I hear).

Unfortunately with this being my first 'public laundry night'....I didn't realize that the room is closed from 9 pm until 9am. My laundry is now out of my sight for 12 hours...because I'm retarded and left my clothes in the washer earlier.

... so I ask you...

Take the poll

Free Poll by Blog Flux

What happened to Troy Dyer?

2008-08-01T23:03:00.005-04:00

*BEFORE*

*AFTER*

"nobody smiles here..."

2008-08-01T21:54:00.002-04:00

I watched "Wristcutters: A Love Story" the other night (w/ Patrick Fugit & Shannon Sossamon) ... and it was a pretttttty fucked up movie...but really beautiful at the same time.

Synopsis: ... the afterlife for suicidals.

Interesting concept...good ending...but a little weird in the middle.

Still... I'll recommend.

sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost.

2008-08-01T21:37:00.003-04:00

my new favourite song of the week.

"Personal" by Stars.

(there's no music video for it...so staring at this photo for 4:07 minutes will have to do)

2008-07-09T15:42:00.003-04:00

My oh my...how time flies!
It's been 3 months since I've written on this th'ang.
For those of you who read this...I appologize.
I am fully aware that I suck.
_______________________________________________________

Sooooooo a lot has changed since April!

- new job
- new apartment
- new crushes
- new bangs
- new computer

Oh! ... and the best "New" of all???

New Kids on the Block reunited!!!

It's too bad that their 'come back' performance was so TERRIBLE though!!!
After all these years, I might have to finally retire my crush on Jordan Knight.

I'm still keeping the doll though.
_____________________________________________________

So other than 'the new', and the old still being old...there's not a whole lot more to say except that I'm going to try to write more. Even if it's a big pile of nothing.

PS: I love him

2008-04-15T20:40:00.003-04:00

Gerard Butler = Sexy.

This is usually the time where I would write something ABOUT Gerard Butler …. but really, what else is there to say?

The man is beeeeeeeeeautiful ...

That's all!

Feliz Navi-Black day???

2008-04-15T20:12:00.003-04:00

I was reading the e-news yesterday, and I stumbled upon a rather interesting article that I thought I’d share with the class.

The headline read 'South Korea's lonely hearts, mark Black Day'

Apparently in Seoul, Korea, April 14th is referred to as Black Day.

Black Day is marked by people who have not found love… dressing in dark colors and commiserating over meals of black food, with the dish of choice being Chinese-style noodles topped with a thick sauce of black bean paste.

Hmmmm….

This all seemed a little odd to me…so I decided to do some research.
Through this research, is how I learned about the so-called South Korean Calendar that is “laden with love”.
On this calendar, there is a special day on the 14th of every month for lovers to ~~get it on~~ celebrate.
The calendar’s love-dates are as follows:

January 14 is Diary Day: Sweethearts are encouraged to buy gifts such as planners and mark all their red-letter days of love.

February 14 is Valentine's Day: Women buy chocolates for their boyfriends. (Ummmm…)

March 14 is White Day. Men return the favour of their Valentine's chocolates with candies for their girlfriends

April 14 is Black Day (which we previously discussed about 20 lines up or so)…but we’ll get back to that shortly.

May 15 is Yellow Day-Rose Day. Lonely hearts gather for curry and companionship. (haha.. WHAT?!?)
Those who find love by this day exchange roses.
Dressing in yellow is also recommended.

The rest of the celebrations that come each month on the 14th have yet to gain a strong following…but my favourite has to be August 14th… (Green Day). This is when couples dress in green, walk in the woods, and drink cheap booze that comes in green bottles. (No joke).

Personally…I think every day should be Green Day.

Alright.. I’m feeling a little too sidetracked…and a little too romantic.

Returning to Black Day...

(presses play on depressing emo mix tape)

The one thing I’m not understanding about Black Day, is whether it’s supposed to be a good day or a bad day? The thought of lonely women… dressing all in black seems pretty sad. No?
Mind you, I read something else that said on Black Day…universities often set up dating events…to help people find their ‘soul mates’. At universities across the country… students without lunch dates order black noodles, and dine with other lonely hearts and search for companionship.

That sounds sorta nice, doesn’t it?
All the lonely people… coming together to eat black noodles and search for love?

According to the quote below though … not so much.

"I had a miserable time on Valentine's Day, felt even lonelier on White Day and now I'm crying over a bowl of black noodles," said a young women who asked only to be identified by her family name Na out of embarrassment.

"Things better be different next year."

I feel bad for “Na”….because if I was South Korean, I would BE “Na”.
(I’d probably go by “Li” though… ) … or “Les”.

What a terrible idea for a day though…for real.
As if us singles don’t feel shitty enough on Valentine’s day.
Now there’s not only a specific day to make us feel like shit, but a day that limits our food choices as well?

What about our tortured ice-cream, chocolate, and dill pickle chip pig-outs????

(I wonder if they make black wine?)

Well…allz I gotta say… is I’m thankful I don’t live in South Korea.

(Although I may take a little vaca there in August…because the thought of Green Day is just way too cute…).

I wonder if that’s where Green Day got their name?

Yabba Dabba Do!

2008-04-15T20:03:00.003-04:00

You know what I really miss?

Flintstones vitamins.

I used this hand cream today… and the smell reminded me of the orange ones.

While you were (probably) sleeping...

2008-04-15T19:12:00.004-04:00

To be honest…I didn’t realize that late-night talk shows were such a big to-do!

It appears that for the first time ever, Craig Ferguson (who? … exactly) brought in more ratings than late night legend, Conan O’Brien. This is apparently spelling trouble for NBC, who plans on replacing Leno with Conan next year.

Every news/gossip site I peruse today, is sporting headlines like: New Leader in Late Night TV Ratings ... Late Night Bloodbath … and Ferguson Tops O’Brien …(oooo … dirty).

Personally… I could care less about who’s 'on top' between these boys… but one thing’s for sure… all this talk of late shows is making me miss the late show of ALL late shows…

The Late-Late Show with Craig Kilborn!

Gibby, what up?

Finian Greenhall (aka) FINK

2008-04-08T22:29:00.004-04:00

Just a quick post before bed... you MUST check out Finian Greenhall (aka) "FINK".

I heard him for the first time today on XM Indie on my lunch break, and I am completely in love.

Love. Love. Love. I tell you.

http://www.myspace.com/finkmusic

http://www.finkworld.co.uk/fink/

Colbert on ...

2008-04-08T20:13:00.009-04:00

"Sex can be wonderful. It can also be scary, like a maniac, or a haunted house - two things that happen to go great with sex." - Colbert on sex.

"Any religion whose Messiah's name isn't recognized on Microsoft Word can't be that much of a threat. Still.... Reggae is pretty good. Makes great background music at the corporate barbecue. No potato salad, no cry." - Colbert on Rastafarianism

"Another go-figure religion. "Hey, why don't we all put on robes and sit in a rock garden and just, like, be aware?" - Colbert on Buddhism

Donna Martin is a %*&@!

2008-04-08T19:30:00.005-04:00

Alright.. so during a moment of severe vulnerability (and PMS)... I caved and bought a copy of the highly pink (and highly shitty) tell all memoirs of Tori Spelling.

I know. I know. I know… but it was hard to resist a book titled “sTORI Telling” by Tori spelling. I’m all about the art of the anagram and I’m also allllllll about the 90210 gossip!

What am I NOT all about though?… Cheaters!

I know we’ve all done it (or at least most of us have) … but I’m betting we all didn’t run out and write a book about it! Especially when the book glamorizes the situation and completely disrespects all those who were in fact…cheated ON. (over…and over…and over again!)

If I was Charlie (husband #1)…I woulda just dug up this old photo....and felt glad it was no longer my wife.

… ew.

This book is a huge diss on her mom, Candy Spelling, too.

She outs her on her $$$ cheapness, her shitty character, and her (apparent) affair with a close family "friend" named Matt.

Nasty? Very.

…but it’s not really news to anyone that her mom is a bitch.
It’s one bitch, writing a bitchy book about another bitch.

I wonder who the BIGGER bitch is though? Hmmmm.

I’m sure Dean McDermott will tell us when he writes HIS “tell all” after he divorces Tori.

You know it’s gonna happen.

Tori didn’t get the Spelling inheritance as planned, so poor Dean’s gonna need to get some money somehow!

K-Fed… version 2.0.

Anyway....in the end…besides some juicy (I hate Brenda) gossip, an on-set Brenda-Kelly fist fight, and an affair between the REAL life Donna and David… the book is trash… and is (in my opinion) the biggest work of fiction a non-fiction book has ever been!

Don't be a loser like me and buy this book.

Bir-achnophobia

2008-04-08T18:16:00.008-04:00

So April came 'round last week (as it usually does this time of year)...and I did the ol’ flip of the work calendar. To my horror, I see that April is apparently considered the month of THE BIRD in the glorious US of A ...(where my calendar was printed).

Important Notice: Birds frighten me, and I’m really not happy that I will have to look at them for the next 30 days. (well… 22 days now…annnnnnnd counting…)

Oh, and to top it all off…there’s not just ONE bird for the month of April either…no no no. There are TWELVE!

That’s 24 little bird feet…24 creepy bird eyes … …and 12 murderous bird beaks.

The beaks are by far the worst part of the bird (especially the beak of a Cockatiel)… of which there are FOUR on this particular calendar.

I was attacked by a Cockatiel 16 years ago, and I still have my battle wound!
The wound may be small, but long term effects are anything but.

Cockatiels = little devils (and you do NOT want one of those sitting on your shoulder arguing with angels either … TRUST ME!)

Now, I feel bad saying all BIRDS frighten me. That’s quite the categorization.

With that being said…birds that do NOT frighten me include:

- Loons
- Ducks
- Chickadees

…and probably any other bird that looks like THIS

… as opposed to THIS!

or THIS!

*cries*

I won the BOAT on rrrrrroll up the rrrrrrrim!

2008-04-08T18:09:00.005-04:00

Nah... I’m joking.
But I DID win a free coffee, and it only took over 90+ rolls to win one!

I know you’re jealous.

Mi Lady ... Cat Power

2008-03-26T22:09:00.010-04:00

Chan Marshall, who performs under the alias Cat Power is by far my favourrrrrrrrrrite female artist right now.

I love her because:

a) she is incredibly talented
b) she writes pretty words
c) she doesn’t remind me of anyone else
d) she has survived alcohol addiction & talks openly about it
e) she doesn’t shave her business...and she makes that your business

I first fell in love with Chan (pronounced Shawn) Marshall after listening to her 1998 album Moon Pix. Her songs ‘Metal Heart’ and ‘Say’ completely broke my heart…therefore awarding her a 5 STAR rating on my IPOD, and topping my playlist (affectionately) titled “songs that make me want to drown myself in a really big bottle of red wine, and then cry myself to sleep”.

Nah… I’m only kidding… I think it’s called something like “relaxo-traxos”, or something else Diego conjured up one night in bed.

Chan's newest album ‘Jukebox’ is beyond marvelous. It is made up of a handful of new originals, a re-vamped version of Metal Heart, and some really gorgeous covers including Don’t Explain (Billie Holiday) and She’s Got You (Patsy Cline).

Chan has made quite the transformation over the years, often leaving fans in favour of either the “OLD Cat Power”… or the “NEW Cat Power”. Rarely both.

OLD CAT POWER

NEW(er) CAT POWER

Thoughts???

For me… I like her ~~any way~~ both ways.

Her voice is haunting, and her words are mesmerizing.

Ch-ch check er out!

www.matadorrecords.com/cat_power
www.myspace.com/catpower

(for some reason these links don't feel like being hyper tonight... so you'll have to copy/paste)

If you’re interested, HERE is a video of Chan talking about her alcohol abuse, and her stint in rehab.

Ay, how I love thee woman… let me count the ways.

A Blog for Rob = A Blob.

2008-03-11T12:26:00.005-04:00

I received a wee message earlier from a friend of mine (we’ll call him “Rob”)…about my lack of blogging.

To you “Rob”, I apologize…and just to show you how truly sorry I am… I’m dedicating this entire Tuesday blog to you.

I should give it a name though… don’t you think?

Something like Titty Tuesday...

...or Saturday Night Tuesday… if only to confuse people?

Honestly though…I agree that blogs should be written with a lot more frequency than I write mine. I also wish I had something to say … passionately…each and every day, that wasn’t just in my head.

Truth is….I just haven’t been Livin’ the Vida Loca lately and it ain’t no fun to write about!

I’m still workin’ the 9-5 ...

I’m still sleepwalking through most of my days, in between daydreams and caffeine jitters.

I STILL haven’t won ANYTHING on Rrrrrrrrrroll up the Rrrrrrrrrim.
(I’m now at the point where as soon as I see the PL in either the word PLEASE or PLAY … I want to kick somebody.)

But, on a lighter (less violent) note … there are a FEW new things I suppose I could talk about.

I have a new favourite song of the week. That’s new.

It’s called Swimming Pool by Freezepop, and it’s way too cute. You can listen to it at www.myspace.com/freezepop.

I first heard it on a recent episode of The L Word during a very sexy little scene. Now whenever I hear it, I envision sweet kisses, hot lesbos and swimming… (which happen to be three of my favourite things to do).

I’ve also started to pick up my guitar again…which is both fun and harder on the fingers than I remember. I think it’s all the Cat Power I’ve been listening to again since Jukebox came out.

Other than that, the only thing that’s new and exciting…is that this weekend is BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!!

First, we have Rob’s birthday (yes… THE Rob) this Thursday. Next, we have Jessika’s (pronounced Jessy-qua’s) on Friday the 14th and last and definitely least, we have one of my ex boyfriends. I can’t remember which one at the moment…but I remember thinking “Oh! His birthday’s right near Jessy-qua’s!!!!”

The only “boyfriend-birthdays” I remember are: April 4th, November 6th and November 28th... because they were my favourites.

Well, seeing as this is a dedication blog… I will now dedicate this birthday song to Rob!

Happy Birthday To You (Rob)
Happy Birthday To You (Rob)
Happy Birthday Toooooo Rob (…Rob)
Happy Birthday To You! (Poopy).

Muah! xoxoxox

rrrrrollll up the rrrrim to NEVER win!

2008-03-03T20:09:00.012-05:00

This whole "1 in 9 cups is a winner" thing is bull...fucking...SHIT!

I am on cup # 14 so far in the rrrrrrollll up the rrrrrrrrim to win contest, and I haven't even won a cookie!

I've tried small cups, large cups, XL cups...

Please Play Again.
Please Play Again.
Please Play Again.

What if I don't want to play again ?

What if I think that YOU cup... are a crook!

(above: Crook, 2008)

I'm going to Country Style tomorrow.

At least that way I'll win like, 5% off valet parking, if I go to the Niagara Casino between March 15 - 18, 2008, and I check in between 3:00 am and 4:00 am on a Tuesday.

Let us discuss Lettuce!

2008-02-29T23:27:00.011-05:00

Alyssa Milano, who is best known for her role as “Samannnn-ta!” on Who’s the Boss, (and more recently... porno) has recently launched her new PETA affiliated website, called Lettuce Ladies. For those of you who don’t know… Alyssa is an avid vegetarian, and is one of PETA’s newest campaign models.

Click HERE to see Alyssa’s sexy little veggie ad.
(I promise… no tossing the salad jokes).

In being a vegetarian myself, I was excited to learn more about her campaign… so I logged onto www.lettuceladies.com.

At first glance, I clicked on Meet the Lettuce Ladies.
(I like to know who I’m dealing with).

Once inside… you have your panel of (sorta) sexy ladies in lettuce bikinis. I’m thinking “this is kinda sleazy for a ‘compassionate animal loving organization’… but I continue.

Below each lettuce lady…is a “bio”… about what turns them ON… and what turns them OFF. (… behold, PETA’s attempt to gain some cred).

Let’s take a look at “Sky’s” profile.
(I quote “Sky” because we all know that’s not her real name).

Sky’s Turn Ons: Sports & Vegan French Food, Organic Wine, Hard Bodies, & Long Passionate Kisses.
Sky’s Turn Offs: Gossip, Abusive Men & Hunters.

(attempted cred = bye bye).

Now, while continuing my browse through the “Meet the Ladies” section… I also see that AC Slater’s girl Jessie Spano. (aka: “Mama”) has also joined the PETA team! I must say ...it was quite a surprise... and QUITE the jump from THIS!.

Whoa Mama!!

Pamela Anderson was also in attendance… but this is expected, because Pamela is a HUGE animal activist. Go PAM!!!

Now onto the Videos!
Videos, Videos, Videos…this is when the shit goes down!

First up…a clip titled ”Girl-on-Girl Video – The Make-out Tour” (this is when I double-check my web address to see if I’m still surfing porn from earlier… annnnnnnnnd I’m not).

On with the video…

Girl-on-Girl Make-Out Tour

Were you as moved as I was?

Next up… “Tofu Wrestling”

Aside from the heartbreaking ending of this video... Tofu-Wrestling really has nothing to do with animal torture.

Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with PETA?

I’m normally a HUGE fan of PETA. I admire the compassionate work of all of their staff, and I think that what they do for animals is a beautiful thing… really. I even sport propaganda on my car in the form of a window decal.

Now…with that out of the way… seriously, what WAS that garbage?

Does PETA HONESTLY think that by hiring two young girls to make out in front of a bunch of perved-out straight men … it’s going to raise the vegetarian population?

At most, it’s going to be an interesting conversation at dinner that night, while they dive into their steaks or burgers and their girlfriends want to punch them out for having hard-ons for “girl on girl action”..

I just think that if you want to get down to the real issue of vegetarianism and the “ethnical treatment of animals”… Ads like these are much more effective.

Sophie Ellis Bexter for PETA – Anti-Fur Ad.

Lisa B for PETA – Exotic Skin Kills.

PETA – Anti-Meat Protestors .

Now, the photo below is NOT what I call effective, but it IS what I call “exactly what Garett will want to see” and I know he’ll be reading this, and he sure does love him some Alicia!!!!

Alicia Silverstone for PETA - Vegetarian.

I realize that with it being 2008 and all... Sex is the #1 selling tool for advertisers and marketers alike. Sex = BIG business. I get it.
I just find these ads to be offensive because the whole belief system behind vegetarianism is to stop the torture of animals…not make out with skeezy looking girls in public for the cause. It’s to stop the slaughter and mass-mutilation of innocent creatures, and to promote healthy lifestyles without any other living being involuntarily having to give up their lives in order for us to eat.

I just feel like the Lettuce Ladies, and their ridiculous videos… are extremely insulting. I feel offended watching them… and I think (and hope) that most other people (especially women) find them degrading as well.

I know it’s a hard thing to wrap your heads around….but women actually HAVE brains! I think we’re very capable of getting a point across without having to take off all of our clothes in public… and having it streamed all over the internet.

We know that PETA wants its vegetarian numbers to rise!!!!
They want to be known for their “risqué” and oober ‘unique’ ads.
But really, why put the respect of your organization on the line just to prove the point that vegetarians are “better lovers”, and that tofu is good for you.

(sighs)

As for the Tofu-Wrestling….
Does PETA seriously think that we can concentrate on the little “tofu-factoids” they shoot on the screen in-between airing footage of girls with really bad cases of the thong-wedgie?

Ladies….you’re wrestling on the street in silken tofu!!!
You are now full of chunky slime … and weird parts of you smell like bean curd.

Hmmmm GO VEG!

Note: for those of you who are interested…PETA also has a veggie MAN site, called Broccoli Boys That is far less offensive in the sexual way… but much more offensive in its cheesy choice of models that resemble 80’s porn stars. Check out the pipes on Ricardo!!!! Which way to the beach dude?

Leonard Cohen

2008-02-27T22:13:00.004-05:00

My Room
By: Leonard Cohen

Come down to my room.
I was thinking of you
and I made a pass at myself.

Did I dream you dreamed about me?

2008-02-27T20:24:00.009-05:00

Best song of the week = "Song to the Siren" by Tim Buckley.
I can't stop listening to it.

It's making me completely depressed...but I can't stop listening to it!!!! Ahhh!

Tim Buckley is the kind of artist that bores me 80% of the time...but then I dig up an amazing song that just blows me away.

"Song for a Siren" is exactly that song.

This Mortal Coil (an experimental/electronica band from the UK) does a rather haunting cover of it on their album titled It'll End In Tears...

...and believe me... it does!

Honestly though....I think I may like TMC's version more than the Buckley original.

It's a 3 minute & 30 second heartbreak...and well worth the listen.

Click the links below...

I dare you.

Tim Buckley - Song to the Siren.mp3
This Mortal Coil - Song to the Siren.mp3

Tim Buckley

Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile,
'Til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle.

And you sang,
Sail to me,
Sail to me,
Let me enfold you.

Here I am,
Here I am,
Waiting to hold you.

Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you a hare when I was a fox?
Now my foolish boat is leaning,
Broken lovelorn on your rocks.

For you sing, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow,
O my heart, O my heart shies from the sorrow"

I am puzzled as the newborn child,
I am troubled at the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Should I lie with Death my bride?

Hear me sing, "Swim to me, Swim to me"
Let me enfold you.
Here I am,
Here I am,
Waiting to hold you.

I suck.

2008-02-27T19:40:00.008-05:00

So I've been a little "preoccupied" this week...

Updates soon though... I promise!

Leonard Cohen

2008-02-16T13:29:00.003-05:00

I have two bars of soap
By: Leonard Cohen

I have two bars of soap,
the fragrance of almond,
one for you and one for me.
draw the bath, we will wash each other.

I have no money,
I murdered the pharmacist.

and here’s the jar of oil,
just like in the Bible.
lie in my arms,
I’ll make your flesh glisten.

I have no money,
I murdered the perfumer.

look through the window,
at the shops and people.
tell me what you desire,
you’ll have it by the hour.

I have no money.
I have no money.

(photo from the film The Fountain)

Joan Wasser is Joan as Police Woman

2008-02-15T22:51:00.006-05:00

Behold…my new addiction: Joan Wasser.

Joan is best known for playing in bands, the Dambuilders and Hot Trix (with Mary Timony). Along with having an incredible voice and being completely hot… she also plays violin, piano and guitar. I wish I could say I’ve followed her career from the beginning, but like most others, Joan was better known to me as ‘the girlfriend of the late Jeff Buckley’.

In 1999, Joan joined Antony and the Johnsons (brilliant), and in 2006, she released her new album titled Real Life, under the moniker
Joan as Police Woman.

Here’s a video of Joan performing my favourite: “Real Life”.

It's true what they say about me
that I’m out of my mind but I think that you like it
so take the chance,
be reckless with me

‘cause I’m real life
and you're real life
and we're real life
we're real life

...stunning.

Weekly Quote (by: a friend)

2008-02-15T20:29:00.011-05:00

Greg: "Carey is like a lazy squirrel, that hasn't packed away enough nuts."

Fiddy Cent O' Valentine

2008-02-15T19:18:00.017-05:00

February 15th is a pretty great day, isn’t it?
But why is February 15th so "great" you ask?
Well…it’s only the first day of my BLOG…and the first day of the rest of my life!!! (enter over-exaggeration here).

Honestly though, can you think of a better day to start a blog, other than the day after Valentine’s day?
It’s pretty fucking perfect.
Why?
- I’m on a high from all of my sugary heart-shaped treats.
- I couched all day (eating said candy), while watching relationship train wrecks on Judge Judy.
- I am feeling newly romanticized, after hearing about my friend Steve's first Valentine’s Day as a married man.

Conversation as follows:

Me: “What’d you and Natalie do for Valentine’s Day?!”
Hector: “Uhh… I gave her 50 cents”.
Me: “50 cents?!?!”
Hector: “Yea…she needed some extra money for her coffee”.
Me: .... silence.
Hector: "...fuck Valentine's Day".

This gesture of ~~cheapo~~ love gives me faith that romance is in fact, not dead. It reminds me that romance is all around us, every day of our lives. Even when we are short in change at the local coffee shop.

All kidding aside though… I had an unexpectedly lovely Valentine’s Day. It was nice, because for the first time in years, I received my own 50 cents. Mine just happened to be in the form of a long-stemmed white rose and an adorable hand-written note.

Steve… WRITE THIS DOWN!

It’s nice to feel a little bit special sometimes...